Just
before ripping this page of my diary, I thought of filling it up with some
words that could probably signify the internal turmoil inside me. At times,
when you feel suffocated of you misfortunes and some misdeeds, which actually
shouldn’t be classified as such; but owing to the circumstances, at point where
others consider you lucky, though you are not, you have this feeling which I go
through at this point of time.
The
ambiguity in the definition of being happy and satisfied has probably made this
world a lot difficult to live in. Owing to the feeling of jealousness, people
do make nasty remarks, and trust me, it hurts. Just because you long to be
better and them, and you do, doesn’t make it fair enough reason to be offended.
The inheritance of a good family blood doesn’t make a criterion necessary
enough to be successful. If you remain fool enough and believe that your family
is of superior quality, then you are mistaken my friend.
But
of course there is a difference being born talented and talent being acquired.
No matter how hard you ought to try, you would always remain a step behind the
ones born talented. Your upbringing decides the way, you present yourself
today. People say, you can decide what you want to be, but since you cannot
change the way you were brought up, you can’t actually present yourself the way
people expects. This is really getting frustrating.
The
social strata you live in and the strata you belong, if they conflict each
other, trust me, you live in a turmoil which vacuums everything out of you. The
best thing you can probably do at this point of time is fake yourself. Pretend
yourself, to the contentment of yourself and others. Life seems lot more
easier, but the moment you realize that fact that what you are doing is a lie. You
feel sunken. You feel like trapped between two rocks and water filling up,
making you suffocated, you try hard to get out, but the slippery surface don’t
allow you to escape. It bruises you, suffocates you and gives you a painful
death.
The
dictionary is so full of different words; at least enough to partially explain
what is inside your mind. I just wrote down whatever came to my mind. And this
is probably the best experiment to perform to feel better. Not really sure,
what sense did I make, but sure enough I feel light. I had to express it out
all, and I did. Probably, this was the least I could do. Just waiting for the
sunlight to enter my room, and I will wait for a life that would end my gloom.
Great thought driven post. Life moves on, we just need to be well equiped to catch up with it
ReplyDeleteI was confused by reading this. You sound anguished, but I am not sure which side you are rooting for. If that is what you are doing - choosing sides, I mean.
ReplyDeleteBut if it is still an unresolved conflict, looks like you have made your point!
http://reekycoleslaw.com/
The conflict, its a turmoil, shall take some time resolve. Thanks for the reviews :)
Delete